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I'm just one of those strange people who enjoy sexual pain, and ... humiliation ... and excess ... as a kind of antidote. Like a chemical balance in my life. And once I tried it - after all, I suggested Sarah tie me up first. It wasn't her idea at all - I knew that stuff was for me ... Sarah unlocked it, and I think ... I think Margaret defined me sexually. She taught me how to really focus and take pleasure from the right sort of pain."I cried a little as I remembered the good times with my Mistress, and how the delicious agonies I suffered at her hands had acted as a balm upon my troubled soul. The moment passed. Her vile duplicity could still made me coldly furious."Shit Steve, in a way, once I went on the run with Sarah, I had nowhere else to go but here. Losing her for the second time hurt too much, and I just had ... I think I needed to hit rock-bottom. I needed the shame and pain ... and I didn't realise it until I met you, but most of all, I think I needed someone completely. I don't think they knewwho I was, and they told me what to do and how to do it. The secret,they said, was to do a routine, written out on a sheet, that I couldstick to week in week out. I wouldn't need to do it myself, I was onlyjunior to the other maid taken on in my home, but I needed to know aboutit in case she left or was absent for any reason. By and large theytreated me kindly enough, but they seemed to think that because Icouldn't talk, I was some sort of idiot, of course they knew nothing ofthe defence contract I was supposed to be working on.Several times I seriously contemplated suicide. My only decision was toat least wait until Jilly was back, I held just a faint hope that shedidn't realise the seriousness of what had been done to me. I wouldsoon know what to do when I saw her reaction.After three weeks at the Diamond household I was again moved, this timeback to my own house although the bedroom I was given was in the attic.I was introduced to the cook, Mrs Vera.
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